Burn Your Crocs

Society will take advantage of you before you even know it.

It will ask for your kindness, your beauty, your time, and your intelligence. It will praise you for being accommodating, then call you difficult when you start asking for reciprocity. Women are often taught to make that exchange look effortless. Be soft. Be sweet. Be giving. Don’t keep score.

But when do your qualities begin working for you?

Your kindness does not obligate you to leave empty-handed. Your beauty does not make you a decoration. Use your intelligence to pursue your own goals. Have an agenda of your own. Use your charm. Protect your plans. Ask for what you want without apologizing for wanting it.

That requires a strategy: understand the expectations placed on you and decide how to use your strengths to your advantage. Develop the discernment to recognize an opportunity and the audacity to pursue it.

Be pretty, evil, and educated.

Pretty acknowledges the care we put into ourselves and the influence appearance can have. “Evil” names the willingness to own our desires and be strategic about pursuing them. Education gives us the knowledge and discernment to choose our moves wisely.

Pretty: Acknowledge the Upkeep

Let’s be honest: being pretty is a job. There is effort behind the hair, the skin, the clothes, and the way you present yourself. You’re allowed to acknowledge that effort and enjoy what it does for you.

Move your body. Eat foods that nourish you. Get some sleep. Find beauty rituals you enjoy and can sustain. Rest belongs in the routine, too. The upkeep should fit your life and resources rather than become another demand you can never satisfy.

Your inner environment deserves attention as well. Speak life into yourself. Practice affirmations that support how you want to live. Write down your goals. If you practice manifestation, get clear on what you want and take action that supports that vision.

Consider what you consume. Does your feed leave you curious, encouraged, and informed, or constantly comparing yourself to strangers? Make room for content and company that help you feel good about the life you’re building. Surround yourself with beauty where you can: your favorite perfume, fresh sheets, music, flowers, a space you enjoy coming home to.

We also live in a world that puts beauty on a pedestal. Appearance can influence who gets noticed, approached, or invited into a conversation. Beauty benefits some women more than others, and being admired doesn’t always mean being respected. Understanding this can help you decide how you want to present yourself and handle the attention you receive.

You also have to be okay with standing out. Accept the compliment. Wear the outfit. Post the photograph. Let yourself be noticeable without immediately explaining why you deserve the attention.

Part of that confidence is learning to enjoy admiration without depending on it. People will have opinions about your appearance and your confidence. You still get to decide how you show up and what you do once someone is paying attention.

Evil: Understand the Expectations and Choose Your Move

Here is where “evil” gets interesting. Women are often expected to be soft, sweet, agreeable, and kind. Those expectations can leave little room for ambition, privacy, anger, or the desire for influence. But those qualities can exist in the same woman.

You can speak softly and know exactly what you want. You can be warm and still make a firm decision. Sometimes, you may choose to play up a side of your personality because it suits the moment. You can be gracious while observing carefully, or playful while deciding how much you want to share.

In The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene calls Law 3 “Conceal Your Intentions.” For this framework, I draw a lesson about discretion: you can be charming and engaging without revealing your entire plan. Share enough to build a connection, and let trust develop before sharing more. [1]

Being approachable doesn’t require you to be an open book. You can enjoy the conversation while keeping something for yourself.

Ask the thoughtful question. Let someone finish speaking. Give yourself time to understand the room before announcing everything you think. You don’t need to reveal every card to establish that you have a hand.

Suppose you’re at a birthday dinner and someone asks about your social media. Instead of brushing it off as “just little videos,” explain what you’re building. If they mention knowing an event organizer, ask whether they would be comfortable introducing you. Share what you could contribute while keeping unfinished plans private. You can be sincere, ambitious, and selective in the same conversation.

Or imagine someone makes a presumptuous comment about you. Keep your emotions in check and give yourself a moment before reacting. Calmly ask, “What makes you say that?” Then pause. Let them explain their assumption before deciding whether it deserves a response.

On a date, you can be affectionate and engaging while letting them do most of the talking. Listen, observe, and pay attention to whether their actions match their words over time. Let that consistency guide how much you invest.

The strategy is choosing your response and how much access to give. You can speak softly and still be bold about what you want.

Learn How to Be Charming

Charm is a skill you can bring to that strategy. Learn how to start a conversation, offer a sincere compliment, tell a story, and make someone feel included. Remember names. Ask thoughtful questions and listen to the answers. Use your humor. Notice when a little playfulness eases tension and when a direct request would serve you better.

These are skills you can develop. You can make someone feel appreciated while maintaining your own position. You can enjoy a conversation and recognize an opportunity within it. Warmth doesn’t obligate you to agree, overshare, or remain available indefinitely.

Mae West, an American actress, playwright, and screenwriter known for her bold humor and sultry persona, offers a memorable example of a woman cultivating her own presence. She rewrote dialogue to reflect her wit and shaped her style around her own figure and taste rather than simply following the fashions of the moment. [2]

West shows how charm can come from humor, timing, confidence, and a distinctive voice. You don’t have to imitate someone else’s sweetness to be engaging. Develop the qualities that make people enjoy talking to you, and be intentional about how you present yourself.

Know Your Shadows: Understand your Weaknesses

Knowing yourself means looking beyond the qualities you’re comfortable showing others. Your “shadow” refers to parts of yourself you hide, reject, or haven’t fully recognized, often because you learned they were unacceptable. That might include anger, envy, competitiveness, ambition, or even confidence you were taught to tone down.

These parts aren’t automatically bad. If you were praised for always being agreeable, you may struggle to acknowledge your anger. If wanting attention was called vain, you may hide your desire for recognition. Those feelings can still influence your choices, even when you don’t admit they’re there.

Getting to know your shadows means asking what you feel, what you want, and why you’re uncomfortable admitting it. Envy may reveal an ambition you haven’t acknowledged. Anger may show you how often you agree to things you resent. Pride may remind you to stop minimizing work you’re pleased with.

Examine the qualities you readily show, too. Do you soften your voice because it helps you communicate, or because you’re afraid to be direct? Are you generous because you want to give, or because saying no makes you anxious?

Once you understand a feeling, decide how to use that information. If you feel competitive, put that energy into improving your skills. If you’re angry, consider whether you need to set a boundary. If you want recognition, give yourself permission to share your work. Acknowledging a feeling gives you room to choose your response.

The “evil” in this framework means admitting what you want and being strategic about pursuing it. Education helps you develop the discernment to decide how.

Educated: Know Why You’re Making the Move

Education helps you develop the discernment behind your strategy, and it doesn’t have to come from a classroom. It can mean mastering your craft, developing your skills, reading widely, learning through experience, and having conversations that challenge your thinking. Know your field. Practice what you do. Learn from feedback. A degree can contribute to your education, but sound judgment also requires curiosity, reflection, and a willingness to question what you think you know.

Knowledge gives you information. Intellect helps you question it and make connections. Discernment helps you recognize risks and evaluate opportunities. Strategy helps you decide how to act on what you learn.

Before pursuing something, ask: What do I want here? What can I contribute? What is expected of me? How much information is appropriate to share? Does this serve the life I’m building?

Your beauty can open the door, but your intellect gives you a seat. Have ideas to contribute. Know how to explain your work. Ask questions that help you learn. Go to an event outside your field and explore where your experience connects with someone else’s. Make your thinking visible alongside your appearance.

Josephine Baker, an internationally famous singer and dancer, used her celebrity to support the French Resistance during World War II. Traveling as a performer allowed her to carry secret information, including messages written in invisible ink on her sheet music. [3]

Her story shows that being visible doesn’t require making every part of your life public. Baker’s glamorous public image existed alongside a secret mission. Her example invites us to consider the opportunities our position gives us, what purpose they can serve, and what we choose to reveal.

Baker and West lived very different lives, but both show that a woman can be glamorous and charming while having skills, ambitions, and plans that people may not immediately recognize.

Discernment also means recognizing when access isn’t worth the terms. An invitation can be flattering without helping you reach your goals. A generous offer may carry expectations you don’t want. You can appreciate someone’s interest and still decline. Sometimes being friendly helps you get your point across. Other times, you need to say no or walk away.

Choose How You Show Up

Bring this into ordinary life. Accept a compliment without arguing against it. Introduce your work without minimizing it. Ask for the connection you want. Listen closely, protect plans that are still developing, and examine the terms before accepting an offer.

Care for the appearance you enjoy. Develop your mind. Become familiar with the ambitions and feelings you’ve learned to hide. You can speak softly and ask for something substantial. You can be charming and hold a boundary. You can stand out while keeping parts of your life private.

Be pretty, evil, and educated. Understand the assignment. Know what you want, understand the opposition, and have a strategy. Recognize who benefits from your silence, your self-doubt, or your willingness to put yourself last.

Own your beauty. Know your strengths. Understand your weaknesses. Develop the charm to build connections, the discretion to protect your plans, and the judgment to know when to speak, stand firm, or walk away.

Give yourself permission to pursue what you want. Prepare yourself. Then make your move.

Make No excuses and Take no prisoners.

Sources

[1] Greene, Robert. The 48 Laws of Power. Viking, 1998. Law 3: “Conceal Your Intentions.”

[2] PBS American Masters. Sally Rosenthal and Julia Marchesi’s Directors’ Statement: Mae West Left a “Legacy of Empowered Female Sexuality.”

[3] Library of Congress. Joséphine Baker. French Women and Feminists in History: A Resource Guide.